Baby Orajel

Hi Moms,

I cut and pasted the email below from an acquantaince of my sister. I have never used any of this stuff, and I hear that some people swear by it, but I thought I would pass along the information.

Love, Ada
_____________________

Dear all,
I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Some of you already know,
but we wanted to make everyone aware of a terrifying experience that we
had over the weekend. Thank g-d, everything's ok now but we thought
friends and family would want to be aware and would want to advise others with babies
Zane's been teething pretty badly for the past few days, and we
decided to give him Baby Orajel on Sunday afternoon. We've given it to him a
few times previously, when his first two teeth cut through, and never had a problem. Scott and I were both sitting with Zane on the floor
in his room when I rubbed a dosage on his upper gum. Seconds after I
gave it to him, he made a face as if he were crying but no noise came out.
I picked Zane up and he immediately went limp in my arms and his face
turned blueish. He was not panicking or gasping for air - he was lifeless. This lasted for approximately 15 seconds, but felt like an
eternity. Words cannot convey our feelings during that time (or even
now, ever) as we attempted to revive our son. No parent should ever
experience such a feeling and no person should ever see something like
this happen to a loved one. Without a doubt it was the scariest
moment of our lives. Ultimately, Zane "came to" and began to cry
hysterically. Thank g-d!!!!!!!! We spent the evening at the hospital, where Zane underwent numerous tests, all of which came back normal. We also spoke with Zane's
pediatrician, who stated that she advises against the use of this
product because its purpose is to numb and if it gets into an infant's
throat, it may stop them from breathing. Obviously, we wanted to
learn more about this product and why this happened so we conducted some
internet research. Interestingly, we came across some postings of
parents with similar experiences. Further, one website listed a side
effect as, "difficulty breathing and grey/blueish face." Also, when
we called Zane's daycare to let them know what happened, the owner said
that she's heard of this happening before. It's surprising then that
no such warning is on the bottle and that more people do not discuss the
negative and possible deadly implications of the use of this product. We don't want to imagine what could've happened if we had given this
to him at night, in his crib, as we (and many others) have done in the
past, and then walked away (although, of course we monitor him
throughout the night). To reiterate, the reason we share the above with you is to strongly advise you to throw away any Baby Orajel products you have at home and
please advise your friends and family of the same. Trust us, it's not worth the possible side effects.
Best,
Scott and Allison

Hi Moms, My good friend Jessica forwarded this email on to her ER doc husband her he found the information below for me. It's a little technical, so I have pasted Dr. Ray's "bottom line" info below. Very scary stuff. Feel free to pass on to those with teething kids. Love, Ada

Please let parents know that this stuff can be very dangerous even with first use. Over the counter does not mean safe. I can not tell you how often this reaction
occurs but there is a treatment for it. If at any time
this occurs, tell moms and dads to go directly to the ER and bring the product with them.
If anyone would like more information about any product...remember your poison control center.


*********************************************************************

> Oral anesthetic gels
>
> Relative Contraindication: INFANTS < 6 MONTHS OLD AT
> HIGHER RISK FOR DEVELOPING METHEMOGLOBINEMIA.
>
> what METHEMOGLOBINEMIA is: Background
>
> Red blood cells contain 4 hemoglobin chains. Each
> hemoglobin molecule is composed of 4 polypeptide chains
> associated with 4 heme groups. The heme group contains an
> iron molecule in the reduced or ferrous form (Fe2+). In
> this form, iron can combine with oxygen, by sharing an
> electron, to form oxyhemoglobin. When oxyhemoglobin
> releases oxygen to the tissues, the iron molecule is
> restored to its original ferrous state. Hemoglobin can
> accept and transport oxygen only when the iron atom is in
> its ferrous form. When hemoglobin becomes oxidized, it is
> converted to the ferric state (Fe3+) or methemoglobin.
> Methemoglobin lacks the electron that is needed to form a
> bond with oxygen and, thus, is incapable of oxygen
> transport. Because red blood cells are continuously exposed
> to various oxidant stresses, blood normally contains
> approximately 1% methemoglobin levels.
>
> This low level of methemoglobin is maintained by 2
> important mechanisms. One protective mechanism against
> oxidizing agents is the hexose-monophosphate shunt pathway
> within the erythrocyte. Through this pathway, oxidizing
> agents are reduced by glutathione prior to the formation of
> methemoglobin. The second and more important mechanism
> against methemoglobin formation uses 2 enzyme systems,
> diaphorase I and diaphorase II. These 2 enzyme systems
> require nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NADH) and
> nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide phosphate (NADPH),
> respectively to reduce methemoglobin to its original
> ferrous state. Diaphorase II quantitatively contributes
> only a small percentage of the red blood cells reducing
> capacity. However, diaphorase II can be pharmacologically
> activated by exogenous cofactors (ie, methylene blue) to 5
> times its normal level of activity.
>
> Pathophysiology
>
> Oxidation of iron to the ferric state reduces the
> oxygen-carrying capacity of hemoglobin and produces a
> functional anemia. In addition, a ferric heme group affects
> nearby ferrous heme groups. Ferric heme groups impair the
> release of oxygen from nearby ferrous heme groups on the
> same hemoglobin tetramer. The result of methemoglobinemia
> is that oxygen delivery to tissues is impaired and the
> oxygen hemoglobin dissociation curve shifts to the left.
>
> Organs with high oxygen demands (ie, CNS, cardiovascular
> system) usually are the first systems to manifest toxicity.
> Oxygenated blood is red, deoxygenated blood is blue, and
> blood-containing methemoglobin is a dark reddish brown
> color. This dark hue imparts clinical cyanosis when
> methemoglobin levels are at 1.5 g/dL (approximately 10-15%
> methemoglobin concentration); however, a level of 5 g/dL of
> deoxygenated blood is required for similar effects.
> Therefore, when methemoglobin levels are relatively low,
> cyanosis may be observed without cardiopulmonary symptoms.
>
> Mortality/Morbidity
>
> As methemoglobin levels increase, patients demonstrate
> evidence of cellular hypoxia. Death occurs when
> methemoglobin fractions approach 70%. Death can occur at
> lower levels in patients with significant comorbidities.
>
> Age
>
> Children, especially those younger than 4 months, are
> particularly susceptible to methemoglobinemia.
> The primary erythrocyte protective mechanism against
> oxidative stress is the NADH system. In infants, this
> system has not fully matured, and the NADH methemoglobin
> reductase activity and concentrations are low.
>
> History
>
> Normal methemoglobin concentrations are 1% (range, 0-3%).
> At concentrations of 3-15%, a slight discoloration (eg,
> pale, gray, blue) of the skin may be present.
> At fractions of 15-20%, the patient may be relatively
> asymptomatic, but cyanosis is likely to be present.
> Signs and symptoms at fractions of 25-50% are as follows:
> Headache
> Dyspnea
> Lightheadedness
> Weakness
> Confusion
> Palpitations, chest pain
> Signs and symptoms at fractions of 50-70% are as follows:
> Altered mental status
> Delirium
> Physical
>
> Discoloration of the skin and blood is the most striking
> physical finding.
> Cyanosis occurs with the formation of 1.5 g/dL of
> methemoglobin, as compared to 5 g/dL of deoxygenated
> hemoglobin.
> Seizures
> Coma
> Dysrhythmias (eg, bradyarrhythmia, ventricular dysrhythmia)
> Acidosis
> Cardiac or neurologic ischemia
> Causes
>
> Compromised physiologic cellular defenses against oxidant
> stress occur in some patients, including the following:
> Children younger than 4 months may have underdeveloped
> protective mechanisms. Infections, especially GI
> infections, may cause a buildup of systemic oxidants by an
> overgrowth of gut bacteria.
> Congenital lack protective cellular capabilities includes
> those with the following:
> Patients with NADH methemoglobin reductase (diaphorase I)
> deficiency may develop congenital methemoglobinemia.
> Patients with hemoglobin M disease may have abnormal
> hemoglobin that is not amenable to reduction.
> Patients with pyruvate kinase deficiency may have an
> impaired glycolytic pathway, which results in deficient
> NADH production.
> Patients with G-6-PD deficiency may have impaired
> production of NADPH in the hexose-monophosphate shunt.
> Agents that inflict large oxidant stress on patients
> include the following:
> Pharmaceutical agents include local anesthetic agents (eg,
> BENZOCAINE, lidocaine, prilocaine), amyl nitrite,
> chloroquine, dapsone, nitrates, nitrites, nitroglycerin,
> nitroprusside, phenacetin, phenazopyridine, primaquine,
> quinones, and sulfonamides.
> Environmental agents include the following:
> Aniline dyes
> Aromatic amines
> Arsine
> Butyl nitrite
> Chlorates
> Chlorobenzene
> Chromates
> Combustion products
> Dimethyltoluidine
> Foods containing nitrates or nitrites (including well
> water)
> Isobutyl nitrite
> Naphthalene
> Nitroaniline
> Nitrobenzene
> Nitrofurans
> Nitrophenol
> Nitrosobenzene
> Resorcinol
> Silver nitrate
> Trinitrotoluene
>
>
> Baby oral gel contains: BENZOCAINE 10%
>
> Please let parents know that this stuff can be very
> dangerous even with first use. Over the counter does not
> mean safe. I can not tell you how often this reaction
> occurs but there is a treatment for it. If at any time
> this occurs, tell moms and dads to go directly to the ER
> and bring the product with them.
>
> If anyone would like more information about any
> product...remember your poison control center.
>
>
> V/R,
>
> Raymond

Update to "Trying to Become a Mom"

Here is an update from the mom who wrote in about trying to become a Mom:

We had our first ultrasound today. Baby is 9 weeks plus 1 day. It was moving all around and the heartbeat was 178 bpm. About the size of a strawberry. So far so good and doctors say everything looks good. I'm feeling tired, but other than that feeling great. Thanks to the mothers that responded to my questions about conceiving. It ended up taking about 3 months which I have heard is pretty normal especially after getting off the pill. (But then again some get lucky the first month:))

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

Stay at home mom wants advice

Hi ladies. First let me apologize for the lack of "glimmer" to the blogs. For some reason the color/font isn't working any longer on these posts. I can't figure out how to get it back, it isn't even an option. So bear with me until I can figure it out. A mom who happens to be a dear friend of mine emailed this to me this morning, hope you can help her!! She is currently a stay at home mom, and is pregnant with baby #2. Part time employment is an option for her as well.

I’m really struggling with wanting to return to work full time. Awbs, I don’t know what to do….I love my son and I think with a 2nd one on the way, I may not want to be full time…but seriously, when I’m at home I sometimes think I’m going nuts! I’m not one of these Moms who is meant to be a SHAM, I’m not gifted with the talent of education, so the fact that I’m stay at home is only so Max can be with me, but I think sometimes he might be better with someone who would actually teach him? I know I could take a PT position and know it would be so flexible that if need be I can still participate in activities. I just have to wonder if I wouldn’t be a better mom if I worked….but then I’m torn b/c I think there are studies that show SHAM kids turn out a little smarter or a little more adjusted or whatever. Plus, I really think with Max, it wouldn’t be a problem, but who knows what #2 will need? Okay, I’m really struggling!

Here is a great response:
Wow-what a tough decision! Unfortunatly guilt is such a common "bond" moms share. How old is your son? Could he attend a part time "preschool" program to give you both a break (especially after the birth of your new little one)? Are there any local "Mom's Groups" you could join? How about activities at your local library...even a gym you could join with some type of childcare program? Sometimes getting out of the house can give you a much needed "break", expose your little one to new things, and give you a chance to connect with other moms. I would encourage you to write out a list of pros and cons as far as staying home, working part-time outside of the home, and returning to working full time outside of the home. Pregnancy is such a tough time with all of the added emotions, hormones, stress...not to mention just feeling so TIRED! Please know that you are a wonderful mom no matter what decision you make as far as your work status. It is so awesome that you have a choice as to what is best for you as well as your family! I believe that the quality of the time you spend with your kids is just as important if not moreso than the quantity of time. I pray you will find peace in whatever path you decide on.

It has been so long!

Hi Ladies! Sorry that it has been so long since the last post. The summer has been so busy! We just got back from vacation! Please share any of your vacation stories on here - I know ours was great, but we were SO ready to come home! Being away with children is tough....

I hope you are still reading and let me know if anyone has any thoughts on new posts! I hope everyone is having a healthy and happy summer! Awbs

Sassy Little Thing

Hi Ladies! It has been awhile.....

So I haven't gotten any new emails recently, but I do have a question of my own. I am dealing with my little sweet girl who has suddenly turned into a sassy little thing! I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I have tried time outs, taking toys away, etc. She just keeps on, and sometimes she honestly don't mean to sound sassy, but she has got to learn to work on her tone. Or maybe she is too young for that, I don't know. She just turned three and is very quick for a 3 year old. Any advice will help! Thanks!! Awbs

Safety Tats

This website was sent to me from another Mommy! Check it out!

Check this out:
www.safetytat.com
This product looks like a great idea, especially for upcoming summer events and travel....

How to Handle A Boss

I got this really great question and hope you ladies can help out!!

Hi, Awbs. I have a question to ask ladies out there who read the blog. I am a working mom, full time, and have a boss who seems to be less than understanding about taking time off. I often feel I am in a fix, because I feel torn. I know it doesn't make my boss happy when I go in his office and have to leave work early because the daycare called. Or when I call in because my child is sick. I just don't know what to do. We cannot afford for me not to work, and the nature of my husband's job doesn't allow for him to take off as much time as me. He helps when he can, but it is not as often as I take off.

My main question is this something I should address with him? Should I ask him why it bothers him so much and if there is anything I can do to make him more comfortable about it? I don't want him to think I am not trying hard at my job, it is just that my first priority is my baby.
Thanks!

From a legal point of view, it matters what state you are in - in some states it is illegal for your employer to treat you any differently from other employees due to your status as a mother. Meaning, if you have leave available, your employer can't legally give you a hard time for taking that leave to care for a child. That's not true in all states though.
More pragmatically, I think it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss. So long as you're doing the work you are supposed to do and are not violating any work policies by occasionally leaving early, I would just try to think about it as your boss's problem, not yours. If you have to leave, you have to leave.
On the other hand, if you have a good relationship with your boss and feel that a conversation with him would be productive, go ahead and have the chat.
If you're afraid you will be retaliated against or your job or employment will suffer, I'd talk to your HR department first, if you have one.

I too had a boss that did this exact same thing! I changed jobs and it was the best decision I have made. My family cannot afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom yet so I have to work full time as well. At my previous job my boss acted the same as yours. I knew how he was before I had a baby because both of my co-workers were mothers and he treated them the same way. All three of us have since moved on. I would suggest talking to your boss if you are comfortable, if nothing results, work your way up the chain. You have a right to the time off you have earned, no matter what. If you are not comfortable in your situation maybe you should look for a new job. It took me about a year to find something else that would work for me, but I work in a specialized area where things don’t come open that often in areas close to where you live. If you are spiritual, pray about it, you will figure out what is best for you and your family. Stacie

This is such a difficult topic. There are just so many things involved. I will tell you from my personal experience that having a job with a family-friendly boss is the best answer. But I know that isn't always a possibility.

I think each child is different. My daughter was so sick. We were taking her in all of the time for something. At 8 months she had a week stint in the hospital. At the time, I worked full time and my husband was in law school. So neither of us could really take a ton of time off. We had to rely on family. But, I had the most wonderfully understanding boss. She was a mother herself and would tell me, "You just do what you need to do for your family". What a blessing. I came in when I could, and left when I needed to. It was wonderful. My son hasn't had to have a sick visit yet and he is well over a year (knock on wood). Kids are just different. When I moved, I had to leave my family friendly boss and now work for someone who doesn't have children. I also only work 3 days a week, so if I am not there one of those days, it is hard for her to understand. But as mothers know, you can't plan when you child gets sick.

If you are a boss and reading this, I will tell you that it makes people more inclinded to do good work and come in when they can if you are understanding. Moms are almost "trapped" when they work because they hold obligations to their job, and to their home. And we all know that home SHOULD come first, but you do have that tug for work. One of my girlfriends recently went to work on Memorial Day to make up time she had missed when her daughter was sick. Bosses who care and try to think of their employees, like the one I had in Athens, often get happier, more effective employees. Having an angry employee is not good for anyone.

So basically if you are able to go in and just explain your situation, maybe you should. How do you think it would be taken if you said, "I know me leaving a lot is hard, but my first priority in life is my child". Maybe in some way try to reach out to him and help him understand that you value your work and it is important to you, but your child comes first. Awbs

Follow-up for Rene

Hi everyone. First let me thank everyone for all of your different posts and ideas! Please keep them flowing in. It is fun for me to read them, and fun for the mom's to keep up with and get great information from.

There wasn't a great response to Rene, the mom who sent the following email. So I did a little research and thought I would give a little "advice"!

Hi, I am looking for some info from other moms about time. What I mean by this is I feel like I never have time to do it all. Can you do it all? I only work part time, and that is from home. I have two children, 4 & 2. I feel like I never accomplish anything. I also have a major guilt problem within myself. If I go work out or hire a babysitter, I guilt myself. Even when I say before that I won't. Like, why can't I drop the kids off for awhile and not feel guilty about it? I NEED to go work out at least 3 times a week, but I feel like it is time taken away from them. I don't know how to get over that, or should I just wait until their are in school to do things like that for myself? Any advice for helpful words anyone has would be so appreciated. I guess I just can't seem to give up wanting a life for myself as well as a clean house as well as spending time with my beautiful babies, as well as having time with my husband..... Thanks!

Rene, First of all, I want to tell you that even though a ton of responses didn't pour in over your email, I think that many, if not all of us, have felt the way you have. Being a mom is so selfless because it requires our entire beings. You don't get a holiday or break. It isn't like a "normal" 9-5 job where when you leave to go home for the day you are just done. We are on 24/7. You can over get people to take your shift, but while you aren't there you are thinking about it!

Guilting yourself into thinking there isn't time in the day for you or your husband is something I would suggest you find a way to change. I know myself, for example, that I love to exercise. I try to do 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I don't love the exercise part as much as I love just being with myself. I don't know about you other moms, but there isn't a day that I am 100% by myself. I can't even use the restroom alone. My kids follow me there. So the exercise time is just me. And you know if I don't get that hour, I am usually crabby. And my kids suffer, so I always try to justify it by thinking I am actually doing them a favor. Having said that, I will tell you that I detest taking them into the childcare room. The women are so lovely in there, but I hate leaving them. I do feel guilty for a moment, but that hour often passes too quickly.

Having time for you and your spouse is so important. The two of you are what made your beautiful children, the relationship you have with that person is important to nurture. There are times we all want to be left alone. I have a good friend who says she is so annoyed at night when her husband tries to snuggle with her while watching TV. She says she has been climbed on and touched all day, she just wants an hour to be left alone. But she complies and he always appreciates it. That is very important. Even making time to have dinner with your spouse - no kids - once a month makes a big difference. You have real conversation and no one gets cut off or interrupted. Try not to worry about your kids, they actually enjoy having others entertain them as well! They get bored of us from time to time.....

We all feel guilty from time to time and we all wish there was more time in the day. Try to focus on what needs to be done, not what you think you have to get done. Taking time for yourself and your spouse are two important things that need nurturing!! I have a group of girlfriends who meet up one night a month for a "girls night'. It does my soul so much good to have that time - away from kids, my husband, everyone - just me and them. Everyone needs something like that, something just for you! And when you find it, enjoy it. Try (as hard as it is) not to feel guilty about it. We usually all end up talking about our kids, but at least we can hear one another and don't leave the table with indigestion! I hope this helps, Rene! Taking care of yourself is so important, especially when two little lives depend on you!!! Awbs

Here is an awesome response from Hope:
Here there :). First of all, I apologize for being so "blog challenged". I typed up a response to you the other night and must have done something to make it disapper :). Anyway, I think the advice you have gotten is awesome. I have to agree, being a Mama is a full time neverending job. You have to have some time to recharge in order to be the best Mom you can be. One thing I do that seems to help me feel a sense of accomplishment is to make lists. Write down your goals for the day, week, hour :)...whatever works for you! Then mark them off when you accomplish them. If something "extra" comes up that takes you away from your list add it on and mark it off :). At the end of the day, even when I feel like I have just "gone in circles", I can look back and see that I did accomplish something and then focus on what I need to do next.
I think everyone needs some "me time". Guilt is often second nature to us Mamas...it seems to be neverending at times. But I think in order to be the best Mom I can be, there has to be some of "me" to give... I enjoy photography, embroidering, learning to sew, making hairbows, selling on Ebay/ Craigslist, and bargain shopping. As a SAHM, I don't get out of the house much (something I am working on :)...), but these are all hobbies that my children see me active in, learning about, enjoying... It makes me feel good to have something "adult" to participate in and learn about... it's also nice to have something to actually talk about aside from the kiddos when DH comes home :).
Hang in there. I am sure you are doing a great job!

And another awesome response from Stacie:
I wanted to share something I heard on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Kate went to the Spa for Mother’s Day and she was having guilt about the time she was away from the kids and the money she spent, but her friend kept assuring her that this day for herself will make her a better mother. I think that is so true. If we do not take time for ourselves in some form or fashion we cannot be the best mother’s to our children.Stacie

Going from Bottle to Sippy Cup

Hi again.... I have another mommy with a question on how to switch to a sippy cup! Hope you guys can help her out! Have a good Thursday!

I need some advice on switching my daughter to a sippy cup from the bottle. We have gotten the Nuby ones, but she still won’t take them. Thanks!Stacie

I would suggest using a sippy cup with a silicone lid first. These are most like a bottle. I started by daughter on one at 6 months and by 9months she had the hang of it. Carmen

Hi Stacie. How old is your daughter? I would suggest just taking your time with this move. Their bottle is a security more than anything. I tired taking my daughter off her sippy cup just cold turkey and one day the sitter called me at work and asked me to bring a bottle. My daughter was apparently just beside herself. Maybe start by just having the sippy cup for lunch. If she doesn't drink, she just doesn't drink. Eventually thirst will win out over hard headedness and she will figure it out. Maybe you could just have one out all day with water or juice in it. If she is in a good mood and playing, she may pick it up and figure it out on her own. If the juice in there is really good, she will keep sipping. I hope this helps! Cindy

This is in response the sippy cup question -- I have a 10 month old daughter and our pediatrician told us to take our time with the transition from bottle to cup and to start by offering water in a sippy cup in the afternoons. She said that it is alright if my daughter plays around with it and gets the hang of it gradually. The pediatrician was not a big fan of the abrupt switch and said that some babies take longer than others to get comfortable with a cup. Don't stress out! TGIF, Moms!

Hi :)! You've gotten some great suggestions so far! You may want to try a "sippy" with a "pop up" straw if the others don't work out for you. Try not to stress. I promise your little one will be off of the bottle before you know it! They grow up so quickly!

Anger/Hitting/Throwing

Hi Ladies! Here is another really great question for you mommies! Thanks again to everyone for reading!!

could you post a blog asking for advice about how other moms have dealt with the anger/hitting/throwing issue???i have tried reading magazines and doing internet research, but they don't really give good, realistic advice...i'd love to hear what some other moms have to say about the subject.

Hello, Mommy. I am interested in your post, I too have a child that went through quite a stage with hitting and throwing. I am unsure how old your child is or what your view is on discipline, but I will tell you what worked for us:
My son was about 2 when he started to get really disruptive. He would act out at home, or in public places. It became very frustrating for my husband and I. When we had our second child when he was about 2 1/2, he mellowed out some. One thing I think helped was that we moved him out of his crib for his brother. So we made a big deal out of him now being a big boy and big boys do not hit or throw. I also started potty training him, which he didn't catch on to for another 6 months but he would go on the potty and he was very proud of the big boy behavior. It was a reward for him just to really feel like a big boy and get to do big boy things. However, he was still into hitting and throwing objects (he never threw himself down just threw other things - and not at anyone specifically, just to show he was upset). Needless to say, we had to figure out something he understood. Time out just didn't work for him. Taking toys away didn't work. He didn't seem to understand the concept. I finally tired just putting him in the middle of his toddler bed, and shutting the door (this was when he would demonstrate the negative behavior at home). I did that because his doctor told us that negative attention is still better than no attention for kids. So we basically cut him off from everyone for 5 minutes. It was lonely for him in there, and so he finally quit. When we were in public, I would take him to the car and let him sit (me standing outside of the car of course, not inside with him). It may seem harsh to some people, but it was all we could figure. Once he learned that we were serious about removing him from the situation he eventually quit doing the behavior that would make us take him out. It took a while though, I remember thinking that it was not working. My main reason in being so serious with him was that I lived in fear that he would throw something that might hit his little brother. I was also tired of getting stared at in public, he is a sweet child, I was tired of people judging me and him in their heads! Keep us posted! Katherine

I have a response for the Anger/Hitting/Throwing mom. Actually, I more so want to know how old her child is. Also, what types of behavior specifically is she/he showing? Is she/he actually angry at something or just trying to get attention? Anger is a strong word. I have a little boy that throws things, but I often brush it off as a boy just being a boy. I wonder if I am "in the dark". I want to hear more from her. Thanks!

Here is a little bit of follow up information I got from Stacey:

my son is almost 2 1/2. the hitting and throwing is almost always done out of anger and/or frustration. occasionally he will throw things in a playful fashion, which isn't quite as upsetting to me as when he throws his cup down because it's "white milk" instead of "chocolate milk" or whatever. and the hitting is always when he's mad, too. actually, back when he was about 18 months old, he started this behaviour with hair pulling. if he was mad,or if i had to pick him up to take him somewhere he didn't want to go, or whatever, he would pull my hair as hard as he could while he was throwing his little fit.i'm sure i didn't help the situation by giving him a reaction! i know you are just supposed to ignore them when they act up this way. he finally grew out of the hair pulling, but now it's been replaced by hitting. it's not always that he is TRYING to hit ME, it's just that he thrashes his arms at hits at anything in his way.i do not believe in hitting him back or spanking.we've tried time outs, which do help calm him down, but it just hasn't taught him not to do it again! the good news is, i don't think he does this at daycare (i'm sure we would have heard about this). i know kids will act up at home or with their parents because they feel safe and secure and they are pushing their limits.and i also know that he is using hitting/throwing as a way to release anger or frustration because he doesn't have the vocabulary yet to express how mad he is. (or maybe he doesn't even understand the concept???)anyway, it is frustrating and i know kids will be kids and 2 year olds will be 2 year olds...but i want this behaviour to stop!!!thanks for your feedback! -stacey

Stacey, I think the first mom is really on to something. I think maybe that one thing you might want to think about is turning your precious little man (and my precious little nephew) into a "big boy". Since time out doesn't seem to be working, what if you give him more responsibility. Make him more accountable for his behavior in sorts. At 2-3 they really can understand things like the big boy bed being a big deal. But if he can't act like a big boy (and big boys don't hit or throw) then he can't be in the big boy bed. Or give him a big boy toy or sorts - maybe a big boy pool (just one of those small baby pools) since it is hot outside. But if he can't act like a big boy then he can't play in the big boy pool.... Or have a fun big boy day - something that he really enjoys doing with you, and if he throws or hits, he doesn't get to go. I know with my daughter we made check marks on a paper and put it in the kitchen - she really had to earn a toy by getting check marks in each box. We showed her what a check mark was. Maybe you could purchase a semi-large (doesn't have to be expensive, just large in size always makes them "want" it a little more I think) toy and make him go a day without hitting to get a check. When he gets a certian number of checks, he gets the toy. I think he would understand that as long as you talked about it a lot and put the toy where he could see it. Those are just a few ideas!! Awbs

Here are a few more recent emails from Moms! These are great, ladies, keep sending them!!! Awbs

Hi Stacie. I read what you had to say about your child. Do you think some of it could be just "boys being boys"? Or actually, just a "child being a child". He knows that hitting is not right, because he doesn't do it at daycare. So maybe he is just trying to see what he can get away with at home? Have you tried just ignoring it? Or just saying, "we don't hit" and move on? It just sounds like to me that he is just being 2 since he doesn't do it at daycare. Hope things get better! Katherine

I think all 2 year olds throw fits and he will grow out of it. He isn't going to be hitting when he goes to college. Just keep doing what you think is best, obviously you have done a good job thus far or you wouldn't be reaching out trying to make life better for him.

Email Update

A reader suggested that I send out emails when I have posted new information on the blog.... I don't mind a bit doing that, but you must send me your email first. I have a few emails from folks I know read, but I am sure there are a few people who read and don't post anything.

So, if you read and want an email that says I have posted something new - please send me a short email so I can add you to the list serve!

I hope everyone has a safe and fun Memorial Day weekend!

Awbs

Finding Time in the Day

I got this email yesterday from Rene who wants to make sure she isn't the only mom in this position! Let her know what you think!

Hi, I am looking for some info from other moms about time. What I mean by this is I feel like I never have time to do it all. Can you do it all? I only work part time, and that is from home. I have two children, 4 & 2. I feel like I never accomplish anything.

I also have a major guilt problem within myself. If I go work out or hire a babysitter, I guilt myself. Even when I say before that I won't. Like, why can't I drop the kids off for awhile and not feel guilty about it? I NEED to go work out at least 3 times a week, but I feel like it is time taken away from them. I don't know how to get over that, or should I just wait until their are in school to do things like that for myself?

Any advice for helpful words anyone has would be so appreciated. I guess I just can't seem to give up wanting a life for myself as well as a clean house as well as spending time with my beautiful babies, as well as having time with my husband..... Thanks!

This comment came in yesterday - and it is so true:

just remember.. everyone needs a little alone time.. ESPECIALLY moms!! If Mom's not happy.. no one is!

Best Graphic Designer I know

Here is an ad for a new business my cousin has started! Mention that you saw the ad on this site and she might give you a little discount (because she loves me)! She is probably the most talented memeber of our family. Minus my brother who can play a mean guitar.... And her brother who takes excellent pictures.... And my other brother who could charm a snake..... Maybe I am the only one without an exceptional talent......

Trying to become a Mom

I had not gotten an email in about a week, so I was going to post some random thoughts of my own today. Consider yourselves saved..... I got this email from a young woman who is trying to become a Mommy and wants some advice! Hope you guys can help her - most of us have been in this position at some point!

My husband and I are actually trying to get pregnant. I quit taking the pill March 1st. I was actually one of those that thought it would happen right away. We are both healthy and young. All of my friends with children talk about how it didn't take any time at all, it happened the first month, etc. Well that's not happening with me. The past two months we have been actively trying. I am always looking on Web MD and BabyCenter.com to figure out my ovulation calculator. This past month we actually tried to cover all of our "dates" and for a few days thought we might be pregnant, but no, little thing called a period had to come. I'm interested to hear stories from all the other mothers out there on their experience trying to get pregnant. Like how long did it take? Any tricks? Am I just crazy for already thinking I'm going to have trouble?

I have decided this month to not even look at the calendar, just try naturally and just wait and see what happens. Charting and waiting and taking pregnancy test after pregnancy test just stresses me out! Thanks!

I got this email in response to the trying to conceive question. I know there are a lot more of you ladies out there who have been in this position, so please give a little encouragement/information if you have time!!

This is in response to the young lady who is trying to get pregnant. I went through the same situation. Although I can't offer up any "tricks" I assure you that you are not crazy for thinking there is a problem. Most likely there isn't, however I jumped to the same conclusion. It took my husband and I exactly 6 months to conceive. I have no idea why one month over the other 5 we had been trying, but it finally worked. We now have a beautiful little girl. I am 31 and he is 33.

It is hard to do, but try not to get discouraged. Some women's bodies take time to get adjusted after being on the pill. If you were on it for a long time, it may just be taking time to adjust. I am sure it is not that way for everyone on the pill, but all women's bodies are so different. Talk to your doctor, though, and make sure he or she will work with you. Explain that you are just nervous and see what his game plan will be if you don't conceive within the next 6 months. At least then you will have a plan!

The best advice I got when going through that situation was to relax and try to have fun instead of making it into a chore! Good luck!

This is for the lady looking to become a mom. I wanted to express to her that she is not alone. I have been in her spot before. I am sure many other women have as well. From my own personal experience, I can tell her that sometimes it just takes time. I got pregnant on our 6th month of trying. I was ready to schedule a fertility apppointment, but it just took time. It stinks to hear, but sometimes it just does.

If you have regular cycles and have never had any major problems, I would encourage you to try as best you can to relax and wait it out. Your doctor will direct you after a year of trying as to what to do next. Wishing you many fertile moments in the future!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all mom's.... What a gift you have given to this world. May you all have a day filled with love and relaxation.

Best Advice

I wanted to take a moment to share the best advice I was given when I was pregnant with my daughter. A good friend told me the following two things and I have tried to share them with others:
1) Don't be above anything. You may lay one set of "rules" out for yourself when expecting - how you think you are going to do things. When the time comes, don't be above anything. Try everything you can to have peace within yourself and your home. I can remember thinking of this when I let my daughter sleep in her carrier for the first two weeks of her life. It was the only way my husband and I could sleep. So I put her in the carrier right next to our bed, and it worked!!

2) Everything looks better in the daylight. When you have a new baby, the night times seem neverending. I can remember praying for 6am because then it seemed like someone else in the world was awake and I wasn't the only one. It is so hard in the middle of the night. It does end, quicker than you think - soon you will be sleeping (most nights) all of the way through again.

Life can be tough when you are recovering from birth. I always found it amazing that God laid such an enormous responsibility soley on women. What an honor. Here we are, having our bodies recover from uone of the most difficult things it will ever do ("cook" and then deliever another human) and if you are breastfeeding, then at night your spouse can only help out so much. Even if you aren't, they still can only do so much. My husband and I would rotate feedings, he would do one and then I would do the next. That way we could both get at least 2-3 hours of sleep at a time.

Having a child is one of the most exciting, but tiring things you will ever do. Like Angie noted, it goes so quickly. It might not feel like it during the difficult times, but truly, it does.

Thanks to everyone who has given so much advice - this is really helping ladies out there and I feel honored that you each would take the time to read this and respond! Let's keep it going!!

Not a mom yet

Here is an email I received from Cindy who is pregnant right now and having nervous jitters about the birthing process! Thanks moms, for helping answer her questions.

Hi there. I am 8 months pregnant and should have my baby in the next month. I am very nervous about the process. I have no idea what to expect, and therefore feel as if I can't enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy because I live in fear.

So, if you don't mind answering a few of my questions, I would be greatful. If I have a c-section, what is the recovery time? Do you feel anything during the surgery? I have heard it is very tough to breastfeed if you have a c-section, is that true?

If I have a vaginal birth, what is the recovery time? Do you feel any different after you heal? Also, do you feel anything if you have an epidural?

Does anyone have any other suggestions or helpful advice for a first time mom who has no idea what to expect after I bring my baby home?

Thank you! Cindy

Cindy, here are two really great replies and a little info from me....

The first repsonse is from Stacie - she had a c-section:
Cindy, I has a c-section and I wanted to share with you my experience. My daughter was 4 weeks early (so have your hospital stuff ready cause baby can come anytime). I went into the doctors at 34 weeks feeling great only to have high blood pressure and we delivered two weeks later. I knew I would be having a c-section due to the fact that I have a bi-cornate uterus, but we had not been scheduled yet, so this was a surprise. We arrived at the hospital at noon for a supposed delivery time of 2pm, but due to emergencies I did not deliver until 5:11pm, so I had a little anticipation, but was relatively calm. They wheeled us back and my husband stayed behind to get ready (scrubs), I was given an epidural without him there. The staff with me was great and talked me through everything. I couldn’t feel a thing, my arms were even numb, which can happen. I felt slight pulling, but that was it. Word of warning though, do not look too closely at the lights in the delivery room, they have a mirror like effect and you can see what they are doing to you, so don’t look if you are the queasy type. The surgery took no time at all, and I was quickly in the recovery room. I had to stay there until I could move both legs, about an hour total. Take this time to rest, you will need it. I was in the hospital 4 days and suggest staying as long as your insurance allows when you have a c-section. I was supposed to get up at least every 4 hours and walk around, which I did except one time when we had a lot of visitors. They tell you to do this so you don’t get stiff, and it is important to do so. I was told I couldn’t drive for 4 weeks or until I could slam on the brakes hard and look over both shoulders with no pain. This took about 3 ½ weeks. I felt rather normal by 2 weeks, just couldn’t drive. I think the key is moving around enough and getting rest.

As for breastfeeding, I successfully breastfed my daughter for six months and she pretty much weaned herself. I was very scared I was going to fail because my daughter was in the NICU, but we gave her every drop of milk I had and supplemented. It took a week for her to be completely off formula. I think if you do not deliver a preemie that you can easily be successful. My advice is to have a good breast pump and use it. Listen to the lactation consultants and do what you feel is right. Hope this helps!

The next is from Angie who had a vaginal birth:
Cindy-I can so relate! I was a nervous wreck about what it would feel like to have a baby. So much so that in our birthing classes I got sick and had to leave before I passed out! I KNEW there had to be a better way to have a child other than vaginally or c-section! However, as time grew closer, something changed in my mind…it became “I don’t CARE how you get this child out, just get her out!” Honestly, I think Mother Nature has a way of preparing your mind before it’s time to deliver! I ended up having a vaginal delivery, and honestly, it wasn’t that bad. Obviously, it’s not the most pleasurable experience, but you make it through. Your body just kind of takes over. I didn’t have too much trouble recovering either. The hospital gave me ice packs to put in my underwear and I wanted to have a million of those! I would say I was sore for about a week to two weeks. I did feel differently for a while, maybe a month or so. I wasn’t sore anymore, I just felt different. I am not one to ask about the epidural. I had one, but it didn’t work so well. I felt most everything, but most say with an epidural, they didn’t feel anything. Take or leave this advice, but I know myself and I also ask for some extra pain drugs, because I ALWAYS get sick when I feel major pain…so they gave me some good doses of phenergan! (SP?) LOVED IT! IT helped me relax and sleep through a lot of my labor until it was time to push.

As far as advice for a new mom??! So many things. 1) Breastfeeding…it’s tough, but it gets better. Make sure to ask for some cream to rub on your nipples for the first few days as they will be chapped. 2) IT GETS EASIER! The first few nights/days were really hard and I thought to myself, “What have I done?!?!” But I promise it gets easier. 3) One day at a time… I once heard the difference between “good” parents and “bad” parents is “good” parents only *think* of throwing their child out the window. 4) It’s okay if you don’t know everything…that’s why we have AWBS! J 5) Relax and enjoy every moment…time goes so quickly.

Cindy, I too had a vaginal birth. Like Angie - I agree with those ice pack things! What a blessing those where. Ask them when you leave for a few extra. Take it slow recovering, I found that I rushed it with my first child and when I went for my 6 week check up, I was not totally healed yet.

I was very scared about a vaginal birth, but after having my first one, I loved it. There is something so awesome about seeing a child come out of your body. I didn't want to hold either of them right after they came out, I was too exhausted and just needed a minute to process what had just happened, but it was still an awesome experience. I had an epidural with both - my first I actually felt labor pains, my second I was induced and felt nothing. As far as an epidural, I felt no pain or anything, but did feel pressure. Especially when they were sewing me back up, I could feel the tugging. It was the worst part of the entire thing, which tells you how smoothly things went for me.

Angie and Stacie both make great points about "motherhood". On another note, let me add that you are indeed already a mother. Once you get that positive sign on that pregnancy test, you have made it to motherhood, no matter what happens after that. I did not breastfeed either of mine. I tried with my daughter, but it was more stressful on me and her than worth it. I truly thing it is personal choice and feeling. Some women love it, some hate it, just see what you like. Don't pressure yourself to do it, though. If you hate it, make a decision for your sanity and don't feel guilty about it. One thing Mommies do a lot is make ourselves feel guilty about things we shouldn't. You do what makes you feel comfortable and what you think is best for your child.

Good luck, I hope you let us know how it goes!

Sleeping Issues

Here is a question from Jill, a working mom of an 8 month old. I am sure we can all provide helpful tips in this area - most of us have had sleeping issues with our kids I think!

I am a mother of an 8 month old girl. Up until a few weeks ago, we let our daughter stay up until 9:30 or 10:00 each night. Being a working mom, I didn't want to put her down too early and not get to spend much time with her. Also, she didn't seem tired until late. We rocked her to sleep or pushed her around in a stroller until she fell asleep. But after almost 8 months of this, my husband and I decided to try to start putting her down earlier. We wanted her to learn to put herself to sleep, and we wanted a little more time together just the two of us. Some nights she just rolls over and goes to sleep. But some nights she cries and cries, and we end up picking her up. She'll stay up to like 9:30 or 10:00 on those nights, as opposed to 7:30 or 8:00 on the other nights. Can anyone provide any sleep tips? We've tried the whole routine thing. Baths are out at night because they get her too worked up, but we do nurse and read books before bed. Any other suggestions?

Jill, here is another response from Ada-Marie:

This is a response to Jill's post regarding sleep issues. I HIGHLY recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Health Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. My daughter is a wayward napper and this book has REALLY helped me with a game plan for her sleeping routine. The book addresses sleep from the newborn stage through the teen years. The book has been a life saver and I still consult it as my daughter gets older. Good luck! Thanks, Ada-Marie

Jill, sleeping is such a tough and individualized thing for kids and parents I believe. If I were you I would probably begin by moving her bedtime back 30 minutes at a time. Maybe she is just confused because some nights she is up later (a good bit later) than other nights. Keep her routine the same, but for a week do 9:30. Then 9. And so on.

Another thing I would try is to let her put herself to sleep. This is were some parents would rather do the stroller thing or whatever. For our first child, we rocked her to sleep with a bottle in her mouth. Which was just what we loved, we loved watching her fall asleep, we loved the rocking, it was great. Until about 9 months. Then we were all just tired, and even when she would wake up in the middle of the night, she would require a bottle to put herself back to sleep.

Put a few toys in her crib, and just let her jab herself to sleep. Our children go to bed religiously at 8, even if they aren't zonked out, they will sit and read (our 3 year old) or play (our 1 year old). The first few times, it was almost sad to me to think about our son in there playing in the crib, but his doctor assured us that if they are cooing and having fun, to let him!

It will be harder on you and your husband than anyone if you change her routine, but she will settle in soon. We let our daughter cry it out two nights in a row when she was 9 months old and she never has had a problem again. I know some parents can't stand the crying out, and it wasn't easy for me, but I love my sleep, so the thought of sleeping through the night was something I needed so very much.

Good luck, please let us know what you decide and how it works out. I would love to hear from other mom's with their suggestions. It will be nice to have that extra time at night to have with your husband too!

And she gets a prize!

Rebecca, here is a great response to your question! Thanks, Jill! Keep sending them in and I will keep posting! I am sure Rebecca is just thrilled to know there are other people who can relate!
This is in response to the mother of an 8 week old baby who was exhausted.
I am a working mother of an 8 month old girl, and unfortunately, even after 8 months, I am still exhausted. The good news is- things do get easier. You get into a routine, learn to read your baby, and get used to being tired. My advice is to start small. Leave your baby for an hour and go do something for yourself. Pedicure? Trip to the gym? Or even better, have someone watch your baby while you take a nap. Before I went back to work, I worked up to leaving my daughter all day. First an hour a day, then a couple hours, and so on. It made things easier when the big day came to return to work. Of course, leave your baby with someone you trust. Overall, just be proud of yourself for small accomplishments and try to rest whenever you can. So what if the house is a little messy. Use your free time to take care of yourself. Hope this helps!

So I should have had a reward or something for the first mom to send in an email! I have never been so excited to have an email in my inbox!

Please send any advice/comments to me at: askawbs@gmail.com and I will post them under Rebecca's question. Here is what she writes:

Hello. This seems like a great forum, I am glad to have been sent the link.

I am a first time mother. My son is 8 weeks old. I am currently exhausted. I feel like it is all I can do to get out of bed in the morning. I am so anxious about returning to work in just 3 short weeks. I do not know how I will cope - the getting up at night, making sure I turn out good product at work, making time for my husband. It all seems so overwhelming and not exactly what they tell you about when you are pregnant.

I basically want to know how all of you mom's deal with it. Even if you don't work - my days are overwhelming right now, the thought of adding a job to the mix seems like too much.

Thank you again, look forward to meeting new people!
Rebecca

Posing a question for you

So I have a question for anyone who cares to help. My daughter is 3 (well, she will be in June). Last summer I went through the nightmare of trying to potty train her. In retrospect, I should have waited. I had just given birth, so she had a new baby in the house, I was a little more on the less than patient side, and she just wasn’t ready. But you always hear that at age 2, you should start with girls.

Needless to say, she got the hang of it by August. Since then, it has had good and bad moments. Sometimes she does WONDERFULLY, and yet others, she doesn’t. She has no problem going #2 in the potty, but wets her pants regularly. And by wet, I mean that she basically doesn’t take the time to quit playing and go to the bathroom. It is never to the point where she leaves the floor wet, but sometimes it will just be a little in her panties and other times it will be on her clothes.

It is frustrating for me, and I don’t know how to get her to stop. When she is home with me, I remind her (or just take her rather) to the bathroom religiously. I know how much she has consumed in drinks, so I can gauge when she will need to go. When we are out, at other people’s homes, or she is with someone else, she has little control. I know it is frustrating for her too, because she knows how to potty and she knows how to ask for help. She just gets too busy.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I know she is still young, but the constant wet panties I am afraid are going to cause her to have an infection. We also still use diapers for nap time and bed time, so I don’t know if that is adding to it either…..

i have read several articles on pottytraining, and they all say the same thing--accidents happen.i know it's easy to get frustrated, but the one thing each of these articles says is to not lecture, demean, or make your child feel bad or guilty about it.it could easily turn into an emotional issue. just quickly change her clothes, have her help clean up the mess, and gently say "next time try to tell mommy that you have to use the potty"i don't think wearing diapers at nap or bedtime is adding to the problem, because some kids don't have nighttime control until usually 4-5years old. plus, she's sleeping, so she doesn't realize she's going in her diaper versus using the potty. what you're doing at home, taking her on a schedule to the potty, is a good thing, and keep it up. and try to do it other places, too, maybe that will help avoid an accident?


Thanks for your response! I am interested in the point you made about nighttime control - maybe I won't try to pressure her to stay dry at night. It might be more stressful on she and I if I push her before she is ready! Thanks again!!!

Welcome Chatty Moms!

Let me start by introducing myself and my interest in this site. My name is Awbrey – many of my family and friends call me “Awbs”. I am a mother of two and a wife. I teach three days a week, and in my “spare” time, love to write and talk about my kids. I also hold a strong interest in moms in the same situation as myself. I recently wrote two articles for a bridal magazine and realized that women have so many questions about EVERYTHING!

I wanted a place where we could all come together and ask those questions or just share what we are going through. There is no better teacher than those who have been where you are. And at some point, we have all been at the same place. I want this site to offer an open ear, and maybe a few words of encouragement and wisdom to women everywhere. I would ideally love to bring women of all different background and positions in life together.

I found that in all of the different stages I have gone through and am still currently going through, I often needed answers. Quick, fast, reliable answers. Often not from doctors, but from others who have been in my situation. When I was getting married, when I was pregnant, before I gave birth, after I had my first child, after my second, basically anytime something out of the ordinary happens – which seems to be often.

So this site will be dedicated to questions and answers. Hopefully we can develop a less congested way of looking through answers. I will do the "dirty" work and collect questions, suggestions, advice, etc through email and post them (without changing the wording unless it is inappropriate, in which case it will not be printed). I will basically be the mediation.

So please, email me and I will gather information and create a post just for you! If we don’t spark conversation to begin with, then I will be posting information about myself or issues that I have recently found moms to be faced with. If you have any issues you would like discussed, let me know! I look forward to meeting a whole new network of ladies! AskAwbs@gmail.com