Hi Ladies! It has been awhile.....
So I haven't gotten any new emails recently, but I do have a question of my own. I am dealing with my little sweet girl who has suddenly turned into a sassy little thing! I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I have tried time outs, taking toys away, etc. She just keeps on, and sometimes she honestly don't mean to sound sassy, but she has got to learn to work on her tone. Or maybe she is too young for that, I don't know. She just turned three and is very quick for a 3 year old. Any advice will help! Thanks!! Awbs
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Safety Tats
This website was sent to me from another Mommy! Check it out!
Check this out:
www.safetytat.com
This product looks like a great idea, especially for upcoming summer events and travel....
Check this out:
www.safetytat.com
This product looks like a great idea, especially for upcoming summer events and travel....
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
How to Handle A Boss
I got this really great question and hope you ladies can help out!!
Hi, Awbs. I have a question to ask ladies out there who read the blog. I am a working mom, full time, and have a boss who seems to be less than understanding about taking time off. I often feel I am in a fix, because I feel torn. I know it doesn't make my boss happy when I go in his office and have to leave work early because the daycare called. Or when I call in because my child is sick. I just don't know what to do. We cannot afford for me not to work, and the nature of my husband's job doesn't allow for him to take off as much time as me. He helps when he can, but it is not as often as I take off.
My main question is this something I should address with him? Should I ask him why it bothers him so much and if there is anything I can do to make him more comfortable about it? I don't want him to think I am not trying hard at my job, it is just that my first priority is my baby.
Thanks!
From a legal point of view, it matters what state you are in - in some states it is illegal for your employer to treat you any differently from other employees due to your status as a mother. Meaning, if you have leave available, your employer can't legally give you a hard time for taking that leave to care for a child. That's not true in all states though.
More pragmatically, I think it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss. So long as you're doing the work you are supposed to do and are not violating any work policies by occasionally leaving early, I would just try to think about it as your boss's problem, not yours. If you have to leave, you have to leave.
On the other hand, if you have a good relationship with your boss and feel that a conversation with him would be productive, go ahead and have the chat.
If you're afraid you will be retaliated against or your job or employment will suffer, I'd talk to your HR department first, if you have one.
I too had a boss that did this exact same thing! I changed jobs and it was the best decision I have made. My family cannot afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom yet so I have to work full time as well. At my previous job my boss acted the same as yours. I knew how he was before I had a baby because both of my co-workers were mothers and he treated them the same way. All three of us have since moved on. I would suggest talking to your boss if you are comfortable, if nothing results, work your way up the chain. You have a right to the time off you have earned, no matter what. If you are not comfortable in your situation maybe you should look for a new job. It took me about a year to find something else that would work for me, but I work in a specialized area where things don’t come open that often in areas close to where you live. If you are spiritual, pray about it, you will figure out what is best for you and your family. Stacie
This is such a difficult topic. There are just so many things involved. I will tell you from my personal experience that having a job with a family-friendly boss is the best answer. But I know that isn't always a possibility.
I think each child is different. My daughter was so sick. We were taking her in all of the time for something. At 8 months she had a week stint in the hospital. At the time, I worked full time and my husband was in law school. So neither of us could really take a ton of time off. We had to rely on family. But, I had the most wonderfully understanding boss. She was a mother herself and would tell me, "You just do what you need to do for your family". What a blessing. I came in when I could, and left when I needed to. It was wonderful. My son hasn't had to have a sick visit yet and he is well over a year (knock on wood). Kids are just different. When I moved, I had to leave my family friendly boss and now work for someone who doesn't have children. I also only work 3 days a week, so if I am not there one of those days, it is hard for her to understand. But as mothers know, you can't plan when you child gets sick.
If you are a boss and reading this, I will tell you that it makes people more inclinded to do good work and come in when they can if you are understanding. Moms are almost "trapped" when they work because they hold obligations to their job, and to their home. And we all know that home SHOULD come first, but you do have that tug for work. One of my girlfriends recently went to work on Memorial Day to make up time she had missed when her daughter was sick. Bosses who care and try to think of their employees, like the one I had in Athens, often get happier, more effective employees. Having an angry employee is not good for anyone.
So basically if you are able to go in and just explain your situation, maybe you should. How do you think it would be taken if you said, "I know me leaving a lot is hard, but my first priority in life is my child". Maybe in some way try to reach out to him and help him understand that you value your work and it is important to you, but your child comes first. Awbs
Hi, Awbs. I have a question to ask ladies out there who read the blog. I am a working mom, full time, and have a boss who seems to be less than understanding about taking time off. I often feel I am in a fix, because I feel torn. I know it doesn't make my boss happy when I go in his office and have to leave work early because the daycare called. Or when I call in because my child is sick. I just don't know what to do. We cannot afford for me not to work, and the nature of my husband's job doesn't allow for him to take off as much time as me. He helps when he can, but it is not as often as I take off.
My main question is this something I should address with him? Should I ask him why it bothers him so much and if there is anything I can do to make him more comfortable about it? I don't want him to think I am not trying hard at my job, it is just that my first priority is my baby.
Thanks!
From a legal point of view, it matters what state you are in - in some states it is illegal for your employer to treat you any differently from other employees due to your status as a mother. Meaning, if you have leave available, your employer can't legally give you a hard time for taking that leave to care for a child. That's not true in all states though.
More pragmatically, I think it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss. So long as you're doing the work you are supposed to do and are not violating any work policies by occasionally leaving early, I would just try to think about it as your boss's problem, not yours. If you have to leave, you have to leave.
On the other hand, if you have a good relationship with your boss and feel that a conversation with him would be productive, go ahead and have the chat.
If you're afraid you will be retaliated against or your job or employment will suffer, I'd talk to your HR department first, if you have one.
I too had a boss that did this exact same thing! I changed jobs and it was the best decision I have made. My family cannot afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom yet so I have to work full time as well. At my previous job my boss acted the same as yours. I knew how he was before I had a baby because both of my co-workers were mothers and he treated them the same way. All three of us have since moved on. I would suggest talking to your boss if you are comfortable, if nothing results, work your way up the chain. You have a right to the time off you have earned, no matter what. If you are not comfortable in your situation maybe you should look for a new job. It took me about a year to find something else that would work for me, but I work in a specialized area where things don’t come open that often in areas close to where you live. If you are spiritual, pray about it, you will figure out what is best for you and your family. Stacie
This is such a difficult topic. There are just so many things involved. I will tell you from my personal experience that having a job with a family-friendly boss is the best answer. But I know that isn't always a possibility.
I think each child is different. My daughter was so sick. We were taking her in all of the time for something. At 8 months she had a week stint in the hospital. At the time, I worked full time and my husband was in law school. So neither of us could really take a ton of time off. We had to rely on family. But, I had the most wonderfully understanding boss. She was a mother herself and would tell me, "You just do what you need to do for your family". What a blessing. I came in when I could, and left when I needed to. It was wonderful. My son hasn't had to have a sick visit yet and he is well over a year (knock on wood). Kids are just different. When I moved, I had to leave my family friendly boss and now work for someone who doesn't have children. I also only work 3 days a week, so if I am not there one of those days, it is hard for her to understand. But as mothers know, you can't plan when you child gets sick.
If you are a boss and reading this, I will tell you that it makes people more inclinded to do good work and come in when they can if you are understanding. Moms are almost "trapped" when they work because they hold obligations to their job, and to their home. And we all know that home SHOULD come first, but you do have that tug for work. One of my girlfriends recently went to work on Memorial Day to make up time she had missed when her daughter was sick. Bosses who care and try to think of their employees, like the one I had in Athens, often get happier, more effective employees. Having an angry employee is not good for anyone.
So basically if you are able to go in and just explain your situation, maybe you should. How do you think it would be taken if you said, "I know me leaving a lot is hard, but my first priority in life is my child". Maybe in some way try to reach out to him and help him understand that you value your work and it is important to you, but your child comes first. Awbs
Monday, June 2, 2008
Follow-up for Rene
Hi everyone. First let me thank everyone for all of your different posts and ideas! Please keep them flowing in. It is fun for me to read them, and fun for the mom's to keep up with and get great information from.
There wasn't a great response to Rene, the mom who sent the following email. So I did a little research and thought I would give a little "advice"!
Hi, I am looking for some info from other moms about time. What I mean by this is I feel like I never have time to do it all. Can you do it all? I only work part time, and that is from home. I have two children, 4 & 2. I feel like I never accomplish anything. I also have a major guilt problem within myself. If I go work out or hire a babysitter, I guilt myself. Even when I say before that I won't. Like, why can't I drop the kids off for awhile and not feel guilty about it? I NEED to go work out at least 3 times a week, but I feel like it is time taken away from them. I don't know how to get over that, or should I just wait until their are in school to do things like that for myself? Any advice for helpful words anyone has would be so appreciated. I guess I just can't seem to give up wanting a life for myself as well as a clean house as well as spending time with my beautiful babies, as well as having time with my husband..... Thanks!
Rene, First of all, I want to tell you that even though a ton of responses didn't pour in over your email, I think that many, if not all of us, have felt the way you have. Being a mom is so selfless because it requires our entire beings. You don't get a holiday or break. It isn't like a "normal" 9-5 job where when you leave to go home for the day you are just done. We are on 24/7. You can over get people to take your shift, but while you aren't there you are thinking about it!
Guilting yourself into thinking there isn't time in the day for you or your husband is something I would suggest you find a way to change. I know myself, for example, that I love to exercise. I try to do 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I don't love the exercise part as much as I love just being with myself. I don't know about you other moms, but there isn't a day that I am 100% by myself. I can't even use the restroom alone. My kids follow me there. So the exercise time is just me. And you know if I don't get that hour, I am usually crabby. And my kids suffer, so I always try to justify it by thinking I am actually doing them a favor. Having said that, I will tell you that I detest taking them into the childcare room. The women are so lovely in there, but I hate leaving them. I do feel guilty for a moment, but that hour often passes too quickly.
Having time for you and your spouse is so important. The two of you are what made your beautiful children, the relationship you have with that person is important to nurture. There are times we all want to be left alone. I have a good friend who says she is so annoyed at night when her husband tries to snuggle with her while watching TV. She says she has been climbed on and touched all day, she just wants an hour to be left alone. But she complies and he always appreciates it. That is very important. Even making time to have dinner with your spouse - no kids - once a month makes a big difference. You have real conversation and no one gets cut off or interrupted. Try not to worry about your kids, they actually enjoy having others entertain them as well! They get bored of us from time to time.....
We all feel guilty from time to time and we all wish there was more time in the day. Try to focus on what needs to be done, not what you think you have to get done. Taking time for yourself and your spouse are two important things that need nurturing!! I have a group of girlfriends who meet up one night a month for a "girls night'. It does my soul so much good to have that time - away from kids, my husband, everyone - just me and them. Everyone needs something like that, something just for you! And when you find it, enjoy it. Try (as hard as it is) not to feel guilty about it. We usually all end up talking about our kids, but at least we can hear one another and don't leave the table with indigestion! I hope this helps, Rene! Taking care of yourself is so important, especially when two little lives depend on you!!! Awbs
Here is an awesome response from Hope:
Here there :). First of all, I apologize for being so "blog challenged". I typed up a response to you the other night and must have done something to make it disapper :). Anyway, I think the advice you have gotten is awesome. I have to agree, being a Mama is a full time neverending job. You have to have some time to recharge in order to be the best Mom you can be. One thing I do that seems to help me feel a sense of accomplishment is to make lists. Write down your goals for the day, week, hour :)...whatever works for you! Then mark them off when you accomplish them. If something "extra" comes up that takes you away from your list add it on and mark it off :). At the end of the day, even when I feel like I have just "gone in circles", I can look back and see that I did accomplish something and then focus on what I need to do next.
I think everyone needs some "me time". Guilt is often second nature to us Mamas...it seems to be neverending at times. But I think in order to be the best Mom I can be, there has to be some of "me" to give... I enjoy photography, embroidering, learning to sew, making hairbows, selling on Ebay/ Craigslist, and bargain shopping. As a SAHM, I don't get out of the house much (something I am working on :)...), but these are all hobbies that my children see me active in, learning about, enjoying... It makes me feel good to have something "adult" to participate in and learn about... it's also nice to have something to actually talk about aside from the kiddos when DH comes home :).
Hang in there. I am sure you are doing a great job!
And another awesome response from Stacie:
I wanted to share something I heard on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Kate went to the Spa for Mother’s Day and she was having guilt about the time she was away from the kids and the money she spent, but her friend kept assuring her that this day for herself will make her a better mother. I think that is so true. If we do not take time for ourselves in some form or fashion we cannot be the best mother’s to our children.Stacie
There wasn't a great response to Rene, the mom who sent the following email. So I did a little research and thought I would give a little "advice"!
Hi, I am looking for some info from other moms about time. What I mean by this is I feel like I never have time to do it all. Can you do it all? I only work part time, and that is from home. I have two children, 4 & 2. I feel like I never accomplish anything. I also have a major guilt problem within myself. If I go work out or hire a babysitter, I guilt myself. Even when I say before that I won't. Like, why can't I drop the kids off for awhile and not feel guilty about it? I NEED to go work out at least 3 times a week, but I feel like it is time taken away from them. I don't know how to get over that, or should I just wait until their are in school to do things like that for myself? Any advice for helpful words anyone has would be so appreciated. I guess I just can't seem to give up wanting a life for myself as well as a clean house as well as spending time with my beautiful babies, as well as having time with my husband..... Thanks!
Rene, First of all, I want to tell you that even though a ton of responses didn't pour in over your email, I think that many, if not all of us, have felt the way you have. Being a mom is so selfless because it requires our entire beings. You don't get a holiday or break. It isn't like a "normal" 9-5 job where when you leave to go home for the day you are just done. We are on 24/7. You can over get people to take your shift, but while you aren't there you are thinking about it!
Guilting yourself into thinking there isn't time in the day for you or your husband is something I would suggest you find a way to change. I know myself, for example, that I love to exercise. I try to do 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I don't love the exercise part as much as I love just being with myself. I don't know about you other moms, but there isn't a day that I am 100% by myself. I can't even use the restroom alone. My kids follow me there. So the exercise time is just me. And you know if I don't get that hour, I am usually crabby. And my kids suffer, so I always try to justify it by thinking I am actually doing them a favor. Having said that, I will tell you that I detest taking them into the childcare room. The women are so lovely in there, but I hate leaving them. I do feel guilty for a moment, but that hour often passes too quickly.
Having time for you and your spouse is so important. The two of you are what made your beautiful children, the relationship you have with that person is important to nurture. There are times we all want to be left alone. I have a good friend who says she is so annoyed at night when her husband tries to snuggle with her while watching TV. She says she has been climbed on and touched all day, she just wants an hour to be left alone. But she complies and he always appreciates it. That is very important. Even making time to have dinner with your spouse - no kids - once a month makes a big difference. You have real conversation and no one gets cut off or interrupted. Try not to worry about your kids, they actually enjoy having others entertain them as well! They get bored of us from time to time.....
We all feel guilty from time to time and we all wish there was more time in the day. Try to focus on what needs to be done, not what you think you have to get done. Taking time for yourself and your spouse are two important things that need nurturing!! I have a group of girlfriends who meet up one night a month for a "girls night'. It does my soul so much good to have that time - away from kids, my husband, everyone - just me and them. Everyone needs something like that, something just for you! And when you find it, enjoy it. Try (as hard as it is) not to feel guilty about it. We usually all end up talking about our kids, but at least we can hear one another and don't leave the table with indigestion! I hope this helps, Rene! Taking care of yourself is so important, especially when two little lives depend on you!!! Awbs
Here is an awesome response from Hope:
Here there :). First of all, I apologize for being so "blog challenged". I typed up a response to you the other night and must have done something to make it disapper :). Anyway, I think the advice you have gotten is awesome. I have to agree, being a Mama is a full time neverending job. You have to have some time to recharge in order to be the best Mom you can be. One thing I do that seems to help me feel a sense of accomplishment is to make lists. Write down your goals for the day, week, hour :)...whatever works for you! Then mark them off when you accomplish them. If something "extra" comes up that takes you away from your list add it on and mark it off :). At the end of the day, even when I feel like I have just "gone in circles", I can look back and see that I did accomplish something and then focus on what I need to do next.
I think everyone needs some "me time". Guilt is often second nature to us Mamas...it seems to be neverending at times. But I think in order to be the best Mom I can be, there has to be some of "me" to give... I enjoy photography, embroidering, learning to sew, making hairbows, selling on Ebay/ Craigslist, and bargain shopping. As a SAHM, I don't get out of the house much (something I am working on :)...), but these are all hobbies that my children see me active in, learning about, enjoying... It makes me feel good to have something "adult" to participate in and learn about... it's also nice to have something to actually talk about aside from the kiddos when DH comes home :).
Hang in there. I am sure you are doing a great job!
And another awesome response from Stacie:
I wanted to share something I heard on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Kate went to the Spa for Mother’s Day and she was having guilt about the time she was away from the kids and the money she spent, but her friend kept assuring her that this day for herself will make her a better mother. I think that is so true. If we do not take time for ourselves in some form or fashion we cannot be the best mother’s to our children.Stacie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)