How to Handle A Boss

I got this really great question and hope you ladies can help out!!

Hi, Awbs. I have a question to ask ladies out there who read the blog. I am a working mom, full time, and have a boss who seems to be less than understanding about taking time off. I often feel I am in a fix, because I feel torn. I know it doesn't make my boss happy when I go in his office and have to leave work early because the daycare called. Or when I call in because my child is sick. I just don't know what to do. We cannot afford for me not to work, and the nature of my husband's job doesn't allow for him to take off as much time as me. He helps when he can, but it is not as often as I take off.

My main question is this something I should address with him? Should I ask him why it bothers him so much and if there is anything I can do to make him more comfortable about it? I don't want him to think I am not trying hard at my job, it is just that my first priority is my baby.
Thanks!

From a legal point of view, it matters what state you are in - in some states it is illegal for your employer to treat you any differently from other employees due to your status as a mother. Meaning, if you have leave available, your employer can't legally give you a hard time for taking that leave to care for a child. That's not true in all states though.
More pragmatically, I think it depends a lot on your relationship with your boss. So long as you're doing the work you are supposed to do and are not violating any work policies by occasionally leaving early, I would just try to think about it as your boss's problem, not yours. If you have to leave, you have to leave.
On the other hand, if you have a good relationship with your boss and feel that a conversation with him would be productive, go ahead and have the chat.
If you're afraid you will be retaliated against or your job or employment will suffer, I'd talk to your HR department first, if you have one.

I too had a boss that did this exact same thing! I changed jobs and it was the best decision I have made. My family cannot afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom yet so I have to work full time as well. At my previous job my boss acted the same as yours. I knew how he was before I had a baby because both of my co-workers were mothers and he treated them the same way. All three of us have since moved on. I would suggest talking to your boss if you are comfortable, if nothing results, work your way up the chain. You have a right to the time off you have earned, no matter what. If you are not comfortable in your situation maybe you should look for a new job. It took me about a year to find something else that would work for me, but I work in a specialized area where things don’t come open that often in areas close to where you live. If you are spiritual, pray about it, you will figure out what is best for you and your family. Stacie

This is such a difficult topic. There are just so many things involved. I will tell you from my personal experience that having a job with a family-friendly boss is the best answer. But I know that isn't always a possibility.

I think each child is different. My daughter was so sick. We were taking her in all of the time for something. At 8 months she had a week stint in the hospital. At the time, I worked full time and my husband was in law school. So neither of us could really take a ton of time off. We had to rely on family. But, I had the most wonderfully understanding boss. She was a mother herself and would tell me, "You just do what you need to do for your family". What a blessing. I came in when I could, and left when I needed to. It was wonderful. My son hasn't had to have a sick visit yet and he is well over a year (knock on wood). Kids are just different. When I moved, I had to leave my family friendly boss and now work for someone who doesn't have children. I also only work 3 days a week, so if I am not there one of those days, it is hard for her to understand. But as mothers know, you can't plan when you child gets sick.

If you are a boss and reading this, I will tell you that it makes people more inclinded to do good work and come in when they can if you are understanding. Moms are almost "trapped" when they work because they hold obligations to their job, and to their home. And we all know that home SHOULD come first, but you do have that tug for work. One of my girlfriends recently went to work on Memorial Day to make up time she had missed when her daughter was sick. Bosses who care and try to think of their employees, like the one I had in Athens, often get happier, more effective employees. Having an angry employee is not good for anyone.

So basically if you are able to go in and just explain your situation, maybe you should. How do you think it would be taken if you said, "I know me leaving a lot is hard, but my first priority in life is my child". Maybe in some way try to reach out to him and help him understand that you value your work and it is important to you, but your child comes first. Awbs