Follow-up for Rene

Hi everyone. First let me thank everyone for all of your different posts and ideas! Please keep them flowing in. It is fun for me to read them, and fun for the mom's to keep up with and get great information from.

There wasn't a great response to Rene, the mom who sent the following email. So I did a little research and thought I would give a little "advice"!

Hi, I am looking for some info from other moms about time. What I mean by this is I feel like I never have time to do it all. Can you do it all? I only work part time, and that is from home. I have two children, 4 & 2. I feel like I never accomplish anything. I also have a major guilt problem within myself. If I go work out or hire a babysitter, I guilt myself. Even when I say before that I won't. Like, why can't I drop the kids off for awhile and not feel guilty about it? I NEED to go work out at least 3 times a week, but I feel like it is time taken away from them. I don't know how to get over that, or should I just wait until their are in school to do things like that for myself? Any advice for helpful words anyone has would be so appreciated. I guess I just can't seem to give up wanting a life for myself as well as a clean house as well as spending time with my beautiful babies, as well as having time with my husband..... Thanks!

Rene, First of all, I want to tell you that even though a ton of responses didn't pour in over your email, I think that many, if not all of us, have felt the way you have. Being a mom is so selfless because it requires our entire beings. You don't get a holiday or break. It isn't like a "normal" 9-5 job where when you leave to go home for the day you are just done. We are on 24/7. You can over get people to take your shift, but while you aren't there you are thinking about it!

Guilting yourself into thinking there isn't time in the day for you or your husband is something I would suggest you find a way to change. I know myself, for example, that I love to exercise. I try to do 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. I don't love the exercise part as much as I love just being with myself. I don't know about you other moms, but there isn't a day that I am 100% by myself. I can't even use the restroom alone. My kids follow me there. So the exercise time is just me. And you know if I don't get that hour, I am usually crabby. And my kids suffer, so I always try to justify it by thinking I am actually doing them a favor. Having said that, I will tell you that I detest taking them into the childcare room. The women are so lovely in there, but I hate leaving them. I do feel guilty for a moment, but that hour often passes too quickly.

Having time for you and your spouse is so important. The two of you are what made your beautiful children, the relationship you have with that person is important to nurture. There are times we all want to be left alone. I have a good friend who says she is so annoyed at night when her husband tries to snuggle with her while watching TV. She says she has been climbed on and touched all day, she just wants an hour to be left alone. But she complies and he always appreciates it. That is very important. Even making time to have dinner with your spouse - no kids - once a month makes a big difference. You have real conversation and no one gets cut off or interrupted. Try not to worry about your kids, they actually enjoy having others entertain them as well! They get bored of us from time to time.....

We all feel guilty from time to time and we all wish there was more time in the day. Try to focus on what needs to be done, not what you think you have to get done. Taking time for yourself and your spouse are two important things that need nurturing!! I have a group of girlfriends who meet up one night a month for a "girls night'. It does my soul so much good to have that time - away from kids, my husband, everyone - just me and them. Everyone needs something like that, something just for you! And when you find it, enjoy it. Try (as hard as it is) not to feel guilty about it. We usually all end up talking about our kids, but at least we can hear one another and don't leave the table with indigestion! I hope this helps, Rene! Taking care of yourself is so important, especially when two little lives depend on you!!! Awbs

Here is an awesome response from Hope:
Here there :). First of all, I apologize for being so "blog challenged". I typed up a response to you the other night and must have done something to make it disapper :). Anyway, I think the advice you have gotten is awesome. I have to agree, being a Mama is a full time neverending job. You have to have some time to recharge in order to be the best Mom you can be. One thing I do that seems to help me feel a sense of accomplishment is to make lists. Write down your goals for the day, week, hour :)...whatever works for you! Then mark them off when you accomplish them. If something "extra" comes up that takes you away from your list add it on and mark it off :). At the end of the day, even when I feel like I have just "gone in circles", I can look back and see that I did accomplish something and then focus on what I need to do next.
I think everyone needs some "me time". Guilt is often second nature to us Mamas...it seems to be neverending at times. But I think in order to be the best Mom I can be, there has to be some of "me" to give... I enjoy photography, embroidering, learning to sew, making hairbows, selling on Ebay/ Craigslist, and bargain shopping. As a SAHM, I don't get out of the house much (something I am working on :)...), but these are all hobbies that my children see me active in, learning about, enjoying... It makes me feel good to have something "adult" to participate in and learn about... it's also nice to have something to actually talk about aside from the kiddos when DH comes home :).
Hang in there. I am sure you are doing a great job!

And another awesome response from Stacie:
I wanted to share something I heard on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Kate went to the Spa for Mother’s Day and she was having guilt about the time she was away from the kids and the money she spent, but her friend kept assuring her that this day for herself will make her a better mother. I think that is so true. If we do not take time for ourselves in some form or fashion we cannot be the best mother’s to our children.Stacie